Self-Care During Divorce: Beyond the Bubble Baths

When you’re going through a divorce,  spa days, bubble baths, and a glass of wine are touted as forms of self-care. While these can be lovely, they’re not going to address what your body and mind truly need during one of life’s most stressful transitions. Real self-care during divorce isn’t about indulgence, it’s about survival and stability.

Let’s talk about the three fundamental pillars that will actually help you navigate this challenging time: nourishing your body with food, getting adequate rest, and moving regularly. These aren’t luxuries; they’re necessities that directly impact your ability to think clearly, make good decisions, and stay emotionally regulated when everything feels like it’s falling apart.

Why Your Body Goes Into Crisis Mode

Divorce triggers your body’s threat detection system. Your nervous system perceives the upheaval: financial uncertainty, custody concerns, legal proceedings, relationship loss as danger. This activates your sympathetic nervous system, also known as “fight or flight” mode.

When you’re stuck in this state, your body floods with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Your heart rate increases, your digestion slows down, and your ability to think rationally becomes compromised. You might feel constantly on edge, have trouble sleeping or lose your appetite. In fact, when you are in this state, you cannot access your executive functioning part of your brain, so goodbye good decisions. 

Pillar 1: Fuel Your Body Properly

When you’re stressed and overwhelmed, eating often becomes an afterthought. You might skip meals entirely, survive on coffee and adrenaline, or grab whatever’s convenient. Unfortunately, this creates a vicious cycle that keeps you trapped in crisis mode.

Why proper nutrition matters during divorce:

• Stable blood sugar levels help regulate mood and prevent emotional volatility
• Adequate protein supports neurotransmitter production, affecting your ability to feel calm and focused
• Complex carbohydrates help your body produce serotonin, your natural “feel good” chemical
• Proper nutrition supports your adrenal glands, which are working overtime during times of stress

Practical eating strategies:

• Keep easy, nutritious options on hand: nuts, seeds, hard-boiled eggs, pre-cut vegetables, yogurt
• Aim for protein at every meal to maintain steady energy levels
• Don’t skip meals, even if you’re not hungry. Your body needs fuel to handle stress
• Stay hydrated; dehydration amplifies feelings of anxiety and overwhelm
• Limit caffeine and alcohol, which can exacerbate nervous system activation

 Remember, this isn’t about perfect nutrition or following a strict diet. It’s about giving your body the basic fuel it needs to function during an extraordinarily difficult time.

Pillar 2: Prioritize Sleep and Rest

Sleep is when your body repairs itself, processes emotions, and consolidates memories. When you’re going through a divorce, quality sleep becomes even more critical.

How poor sleep perpetuates the stress cycle:

• Sleep deprivation increases cortisol production
• Lack of rest impairs your prefrontal cortex, the brain region responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation
• Poor sleep makes you more reactive and less able to cope with daily stressors
• Exhaustion amplifies feelings of hopelessness and overwhelm

Sleep strategies for stressful times:

• Establish a consistent bedtime routine, even if everything else feels chaotic
• Create a calm sleep environment: cool, dark, and free from screens
• If your mind races at bedtime, keep a journal by your bed to “download” worries
• Consider gentle, natural sleep aids like chamomile tea or magnesium (consult your doctor first)
• Practice deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation to activate your parasympathetic nervous system

Pillar 3: Move Your Body Regularly

Physical movement is one of the most effective ways to discharge stress hormones and shift your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode. You don’t need to join an expensive gym, any form of movement that gets your blood flowing will help.

How movement supports your nervous system:

• Physical activity metabolizes stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline
• Exercise increases endorphins, your body’s natural mood elevators
• Regular activity improves sleep quality and appetite regulation
• Physical challenges can rebuild your sense of personal strength and capability

 Movement ideas for different energy levels:

• High energy: Running, dancing, kickboxing, vigorous hiking
• Moderate energy: Brisk walking, swimming, yoga, cycling
• Low energy: Gentle stretching, short walks, restorative yoga, tai chi
• No energy: Deep breathing exercises, seated stretches, or simply standing and swaying

The key is consistency over intensity. A 10-minute walk every day will serve you better than sporadic intense workouts.

The Nervous System Connection

When you consistently nourish your body, get adequate rest, and move regularly, you’re essentially telling your nervous system that you’re safe. These basic acts of self-care activate your parasympathetic nervous system: your “rest and digest” mode, which is where healing happens.

In this calmer state, you’ll find that:

• You can think more clearly about important decisions
• Your emotional reactions become less intense and more manageable
• You have more energy for the practical aspects of divorce proceedings
• You’re better able to be present for your children, if you have them
• You can respond rather than react to your ex-partner’s behavior
• You feel more like yourself, even in the midst of major life changes

Making It Sustainable

During divorce, you’re already dealing with enormous change and decision fatigue. The last thing you need is to add pressure to be “perfect” at self-care. Start small and be realistic:

• Choose one area to focus on first (eating, sleeping, or moving)
• Set tiny, achievable goals: drink one extra glass of water, go to bed 15 minutes earlier, take a 5-minute walk
• Ask for help when you need it: friends can drop off healthy meals, workout with you, or watch the kids so you can rest
• Remember that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential for navigating this transition successfully

The Bottom Line

Do not underestimate the basics—eating nourishing food, getting adequate sleep, and moving your body—you’re providing the foundation your mind and body need to not just survive divorce, but to move through it with greater resilience and clarity.

Your future self will thank you for taking care of your basic needs now, even when it feels like the last thing you have energy for. These simple acts of self-care aren’t just about getting through the divorce; they’re about building the strength and stability you’ll need to create the life you want on the other side.

Helpful Tools We Recommend:

DivorceAI - Plan Your Divorce Before Anyone Knows